Friday, February 10, 2012

Dear diary...

At my friends insistance that I post a new entry, I find myself here at my kitchen table, very little time to spare succumbing to his persistence. He said " You must write, knowing that people will be reading your blog, they will be waiting for it..." This may someday be true and I will feed the public, my people... with all that circles in my brain, but for now it is somewhat comical. I have been part of this social media, blogger scene for less than 48 hours, I have also yet to make a public announcement to these" followers" that are somewhere out there not knowing they are waiting at the edge of their seats, mid day in the suburbs longing for my words. 

A post, a blog, my thoughts, how does this work? I have a million things that I want to cover, opinions, stories....Beliefs. Today however, it is  Thursday at 2:46 in the afternoon, I go to work in an hour and have a list a half of page long of things that will most likely not get done in the next 60 minutes. Do I twitter-ize my....
 Today I drove my son to school one hour late

 I then went on Facebook,while drying my running clothes on an old radiator

 Chatted with a friend about the horrible men she has met on match
 Ran 8 miles
 swam a mile

 And lastly, as of 3 pm ...was harassed by my dear friend to "post"
  I am not so great with single dialogue, I often get stuck with my own neurotic , obsessive thoughts and like many of us strive for distraction.  Do I dare say I am a people person? I need REAL  dialogue to really get my mind sharp? People person, not sure that sounds right to me...I  can't help be reminded of the 80's collection of self help books, as in "I'm ok you ok"..."Real men eat quiche" ( Ok so that is a cookbook but prevalent in the 80's) I will admit the tittle of the book is almost always reversed in my world...I'm ok , your NOT ok. I would also love a man that loved quiche and knew how to cook it. 
  Hmmm...I will dig in, I will write:
I slept until 9 o'clock today, I awoke tired, the sun shining it's far away February light through the window. I looked over at my son and asked him if he minded being a bit late to school.
His response was predictable as he climbed into my bed , his warm sleepy body clad in monster truck fleece jammies and put his head down near mine. "How about we take the whole day mom? You said we could play hooky"..."No Lij  " I replied, what time is art? Lets get there by the time it starts." I then called the school with a bit of a half way truth and told them we would be arriving shortly. I made Elijah a waffle, with blueberries. I love to feed my child. I prepared his lunch and wrote his note, full of stickers, having the 100% knowledge that I will miss the day of not writing these notes, I make an extra happy face, and write I love you one more time  at the thought.
ELijah arrived to art class half way through. I began my day. Running is most always first. I ran about 8 miles, through the familiar streets, I was cautious of an injury I am nursing. I thought of my race weekend ahead. I shut down the voices that said I wasn't good enough, the voices that try to ruin my run and same voices that I allow to ruin my day or a moment. I have no tolerance for them during a run .In between run and swim I made a game plan of gathering more sponsorship for a race that I have thrust myself into, ( separate blog) out of love for running, out of my love of cows and the farm the race is being held on and out of knowing I have something to give to this race. Something about being involved is calling , I am hearing it, I am  going where it feels right. 
  I am not sure how my first real life day post is turning  out. I do  know that my rush/busy -ness will continue until around midnight. I know that I have so far made it thru another day in my world. I have methodically controlled the crazy elements of my life. I will work, I will force myself  out of myself and my thoughts that so often come in my head..."What the hell am I doing?And why am I still doing it here" I will give someone something today, maybe a humus, maybe a dollar, maybe a laugh... Every one I meet I give them a little bit of me, some empathy,some attitude, some excitement, some encouragement. Whatever I get, whatever I give, I am positive will help me thru tomorrow.

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